cuinary school plans

if you know, the whole actual university thing doesn't work out.

once upon a time there was a little girl who lived in california. and when it rained she was happy. and when it was sunny she was okay. the end.

its not raining yet, but it should be.

and i think we have all decided that ginger babies are better.

three muskateers, away!

i go.

we like to party

right, so.....13 year old fashion blogger chick. WHY AM I NOT HER?

should i change my hair color to a weird metallic red and never eat anything ever again and learn like 20000000 years of fashion in the next week? (it literally took me a minute to compute how many zero's were at the end of that number. earlier this week i tried to do a problem involving 5 million and ended up with 500 million. this is why i am a writer, not a math person)

and in other news, my first official act of adulthood has been completed. vivi and i went to the mall friday night and somehow i ended up getting the second ear piercing i've always wanted. actually i know exactly how it happened. i said, "lets go to claire's for hair accessories!" which turned into "hey, i can get my ears pierced again." which turned into "ohmygod vi, hold my hand."

so thats done.

and lent is lent, by the way. not entirely too interesting. but what is is that i got accepted to TWO colleges on the east coast this week, suffolk and u of vermont. so at least i'm going to college after all.

and ps. dear parents. STOP YELLING AT EACH OTHER LIKE 5 TIMES A WEEK. kthanks bye.

and guys are stupid. ps.

right, question of the week: whats better, ginger babies or brunette babies? ponder that, universe.

i go.

the winter of my discontent...

...is apparently ending, if the weather is any indication.

well hai world! its been the appropiate amount of ages since the last time i updated, besides the exhaustion fueled whatever that was 2 weeks ago.

i lived through finals, and failed most of them while still managing to pass the actual classes, which i'm sure is a marketable talent somewhere in the world. the feeling of freedom after finals (SECOND. SEMESTER. SENIOR) was the most intoxicating feeling besides maybe love. but its a tight race. and ever since then school has been just as annoying, but so much better, since all i have to do is pass (which means that i am allowed to fail a few tests, thanks very much).

washington dc was amazing and just what i needed. a few days away in the glorious cold-it snowed on us and we walked around and saw friends and i saw georgetown again (which is still one of my favorite places in the world.) and just made it real for me. i am leaving at the end of the summer to go somewhere in the cold. but more on that thought process later.

and on the 4th of february at 8pm i accomplished one of my many dreams involving the man and saw NEIL GAIMAN IN THE FLESH (see the above photo). jynx and i could barely speak and i nearly tore her hand off at several points in the speech because he is just SO AMAZING. his voice is amazing. when we got out both jynx and i were nearly asleep from the sound of his last poem.

and yes, i'm done being a fangirl now. (3rd love of my life. in the flesh. three yards from me)

we just got back from youth group winter retreat, which was amazing and draining and gorgeous. and tiring. i realized some things, which is basically that i'm scared of college but scared to stay.

but that's another post. along with my feelings on winter formal and guys and life in general again.

i go.

the love of my life rejected me on facebook

true story.

am too tired to write more. seeing neil tomorrow. there will be a blog about that.

there will be a blog/story about my dramatic internal conflict.

there will be a blog about my trip to DC.

there will a blog about my life.

thats all. i go.

what i should be doing

i should be working on this spanish essay to finish it up within the hour so then i can eat and keep working on bio stuff and then go to the doctor's and then come home so i can go over stats with my lovely tutor and then keep working on bio.

but alas. i am not.

feeling much better then yesterday though, when it was discovered that my chest and lungs had conspired to make me feel as ill as i possibly could feel. i barely got through 1 chapter of bio practice before consigning defeat and collapsing on the couch to watch the golden globes and desperate housewives and didn't move much until around 10:30, when i begged my parents to let me take another treatment (my third in 5 hours) because i couldn't breathe. like literally. and the treatment did nothing so my parents had me wash my face and brush teeth and lay in bed while they tried to get a hold of my doctor, which failed. so i put on real clothes and we went to the ER.

exciting.

it was around 11:30 when someone saw me and concluded that no, i wasn't moving much air at all, which i could've told him if i had enough oxygen to speak. (at that point i was whispering and gesturing because i didn't think they would be able to hear me over the wheezes). they gave me an extra special nebulizar treatment and then another one and at some point around 12/12:30 i fell asleep and woke up to get the 2nd treatment. then they listened to my chest again, told me i'd live through the night and we bundled up and went home.

they were all very nice though. the one guy nurse always covered me up when i moved for him to listen to my chest. i think he was scared by my bare shoulder, but it was nice anyways. and the doctor had a weird eye twitch but was lovely pleasant.

and today i feel much better. not enough to study, but better.

i've been pestering my parents to let me drop ap bio, if only because that class is torture and i am seriously contemplating death everytime i walk into that room. we are supposedly talking tonight, so i suspect there will be lots of crying and begging. stay tuned for that.

in other news, i've been 18 for 1 week, 1 day, and a little over 2 hours. i spent the day before my birthday taking pictures for presents, which meant being made over at 10, hair at 11:30, a sandwhich gulped down at 1:30, dress on at 2 and group shots at 3. then over to the photographer's house where we waited until 6 to get individual shots and then i promptly fell over and the dress was off at 7.

lovely day though. idyllic, really. nothing much to worry about besides the dress and hair and completely unlike the rest of the week.

neil gaiman hasn't called yet, but he is busy being engaged to his own person, so there's that. i will be seeing him in february, so i am very excited.

the question of the week: do you ever think photographers have to desensitise themselves? i mean they're surrounded by so much sexy all the time i should think they have to. unless i'm wrong and they don't at all. in which case i'm kinda scared. but not really.

hm. dramatic internal conflict. more on that as it develops.

am off to study and eat and do what should be done. i go.

what i said about orange county

(note: i have wanted to get out of california all my life. it is my homestate, but has never been my home. i don't hate orange county itself, but i do hate it for the air that it has developed of "you're not good enough." i am good enough.)

I grew up in Orange County, California. I am a Southern California girl, born and bred. It’s all I’ve ever known.
That being said, it’s never been what I love.
Orange County is a bubble, a bubble of clothes and blonde hair and appearances. It’s incredibly overwhelming, especially when you’re brunette and you wear glasses and were never one of the skinnier girls in class. You feel judged, honestly, like the great big Barbie doll in the sky is inspecting you and she is not pleased. I never really grew into my own skin until junior year, and that was only through intense self-supplied therapy, friends’ glowing compliments, and a rigorous diet and exercise plan.
But being an Orange County girl has taught me more about life and people than I ever would have learned somewhere else. I learned that beauty is only, in fact, skin deep. Money doesn’t buy happiness, or youth, or love, and if you’re smart you will get out there and experience those while you can. The most beautiful and rich people are usually the most empty. I learned to never judge a book by its cover, because that book can rip it off and show its true colors faster than you can “OC”.
I live every day to the fullest, because I know now that you have to. This area is so full of women working harder to look younger and younger every day because they threw their teenage years away, and there’s no getting that back. Those years are gone forever, and I’m sorry honey, all the plastic surgery in the world isn’t going to make you look the same as your daughter. I’ve realized that being comfortable with yourself having flaws is a thousand times better than trying to achieve perfection and I am not perfect. And I am okay with that.
Living in Southern California is kind of like living in an alternate reality. It’s only when you step outside that you realize there is a whole world out there, and they honestly don’t care what you’re wearing.

what i did over winter break

(brought to you by nausia and reality tv overdose)

so today i was supposed to go back to school after two weeks of break. i didn't, since i woke up at 1:30am to vomit all over my floor and trashcan. and then woke up at 6am to continue vomiting into the bathtub.

so i stayed home.

the point of this being, i just spent two weeks on break. i finished most of my college applications and worked on schoolwork and hung out with my friends. for christmas i got a peacoat and TOMS and tickets to see Neil Gaiman in February.

and then i hung out with the guy i'm dating. or was dating. as of this point, i don't know. we've been....tussling. he's annoyed with me for being too clingy, i suppose. (i don't actually know, thats just my deduction) and i'm annoyed with him for not communicating with me. so i don't know if that's going to last as long as i hoped it would.

and that is my life as of this moment. it is tiring already. senioritis, thank you.

i go for now.