i should be working on this spanish essay to finish it up within the hour so then i can eat and keep working on bio stuff and then go to the doctor's and then come home so i can go over stats with my lovely tutor and then keep working on bio.
but alas. i am not.
feeling much better then yesterday though, when it was discovered that my chest and lungs had conspired to make me feel as ill as i possibly could feel. i barely got through 1 chapter of bio practice before consigning defeat and collapsing on the couch to watch the golden globes and desperate housewives and didn't move much until around 10:30, when i begged my parents to let me take another treatment (my third in 5 hours) because i couldn't breathe. like literally. and the treatment did nothing so my parents had me wash my face and brush teeth and lay in bed while they tried to get a hold of my doctor, which failed. so i put on real clothes and we went to the ER.
exciting.
it was around 11:30 when someone saw me and concluded that no, i wasn't moving much air at all, which i could've told him if i had enough oxygen to speak. (at that point i was whispering and gesturing because i didn't think they would be able to hear me over the wheezes). they gave me an extra special nebulizar treatment and then another one and at some point around 12/12:30 i fell asleep and woke up to get the 2nd treatment. then they listened to my chest again, told me i'd live through the night and we bundled up and went home.
they were all very nice though. the one guy nurse always covered me up when i moved for him to listen to my chest. i think he was scared by my bare shoulder, but it was nice anyways. and the doctor had a weird eye twitch but was lovely pleasant.
and today i feel much better. not enough to study, but better.
i've been pestering my parents to let me drop ap bio, if only because that class is torture and i am seriously contemplating death everytime i walk into that room. we are supposedly talking tonight, so i suspect there will be lots of crying and begging. stay tuned for that.
in other news, i've been 18 for 1 week, 1 day, and a little over 2 hours. i spent the day before my birthday taking pictures for presents, which meant being made over at 10, hair at 11:30, a sandwhich gulped down at 1:30, dress on at 2 and group shots at 3. then over to the photographer's house where we waited until 6 to get individual shots and then i promptly fell over and the dress was off at 7.
lovely day though. idyllic, really. nothing much to worry about besides the dress and hair and completely unlike the rest of the week.
neil gaiman hasn't called yet, but he is busy being engaged to his own person, so there's that. i will be seeing him in february, so i am very excited.
the question of the week: do you ever think photographers have to desensitise themselves? i mean they're surrounded by so much sexy all the time i should think they have to. unless i'm wrong and they don't at all. in which case i'm kinda scared. but not really.
hm. dramatic internal conflict. more on that as it develops.
am off to study and eat and do what should be done. i go.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
what i said about orange county
(note: i have wanted to get out of california all my life. it is my homestate, but has never been my home. i don't hate orange county itself, but i do hate it for the air that it has developed of "you're not good enough." i am good enough.)
I grew up in Orange County, California. I am a Southern California girl, born and bred. It’s all I’ve ever known.
That being said, it’s never been what I love.
Orange County is a bubble, a bubble of clothes and blonde hair and appearances. It’s incredibly overwhelming, especially when you’re brunette and you wear glasses and were never one of the skinnier girls in class. You feel judged, honestly, like the great big Barbie doll in the sky is inspecting you and she is not pleased. I never really grew into my own skin until junior year, and that was only through intense self-supplied therapy, friends’ glowing compliments, and a rigorous diet and exercise plan.
But being an Orange County girl has taught me more about life and people than I ever would have learned somewhere else. I learned that beauty is only, in fact, skin deep. Money doesn’t buy happiness, or youth, or love, and if you’re smart you will get out there and experience those while you can. The most beautiful and rich people are usually the most empty. I learned to never judge a book by its cover, because that book can rip it off and show its true colors faster than you can “OC”.
I live every day to the fullest, because I know now that you have to. This area is so full of women working harder to look younger and younger every day because they threw their teenage years away, and there’s no getting that back. Those years are gone forever, and I’m sorry honey, all the plastic surgery in the world isn’t going to make you look the same as your daughter. I’ve realized that being comfortable with yourself having flaws is a thousand times better than trying to achieve perfection and I am not perfect. And I am okay with that.
Living in Southern California is kind of like living in an alternate reality. It’s only when you step outside that you realize there is a whole world out there, and they honestly don’t care what you’re wearing.
I grew up in Orange County, California. I am a Southern California girl, born and bred. It’s all I’ve ever known.
That being said, it’s never been what I love.
Orange County is a bubble, a bubble of clothes and blonde hair and appearances. It’s incredibly overwhelming, especially when you’re brunette and you wear glasses and were never one of the skinnier girls in class. You feel judged, honestly, like the great big Barbie doll in the sky is inspecting you and she is not pleased. I never really grew into my own skin until junior year, and that was only through intense self-supplied therapy, friends’ glowing compliments, and a rigorous diet and exercise plan.
But being an Orange County girl has taught me more about life and people than I ever would have learned somewhere else. I learned that beauty is only, in fact, skin deep. Money doesn’t buy happiness, or youth, or love, and if you’re smart you will get out there and experience those while you can. The most beautiful and rich people are usually the most empty. I learned to never judge a book by its cover, because that book can rip it off and show its true colors faster than you can “OC”.
I live every day to the fullest, because I know now that you have to. This area is so full of women working harder to look younger and younger every day because they threw their teenage years away, and there’s no getting that back. Those years are gone forever, and I’m sorry honey, all the plastic surgery in the world isn’t going to make you look the same as your daughter. I’ve realized that being comfortable with yourself having flaws is a thousand times better than trying to achieve perfection and I am not perfect. And I am okay with that.
Living in Southern California is kind of like living in an alternate reality. It’s only when you step outside that you realize there is a whole world out there, and they honestly don’t care what you’re wearing.
Monday, January 4, 2010
what i did over winter break
(brought to you by nausia and reality tv overdose)
so today i was supposed to go back to school after two weeks of break. i didn't, since i woke up at 1:30am to vomit all over my floor and trashcan. and then woke up at 6am to continue vomiting into the bathtub.
so i stayed home.
the point of this being, i just spent two weeks on break. i finished most of my college applications and worked on schoolwork and hung out with my friends. for christmas i got a peacoat and TOMS and tickets to see Neil Gaiman in February.
and then i hung out with the guy i'm dating. or was dating. as of this point, i don't know. we've been....tussling. he's annoyed with me for being too clingy, i suppose. (i don't actually know, thats just my deduction) and i'm annoyed with him for not communicating with me. so i don't know if that's going to last as long as i hoped it would.
and that is my life as of this moment. it is tiring already. senioritis, thank you.
i go for now.
so today i was supposed to go back to school after two weeks of break. i didn't, since i woke up at 1:30am to vomit all over my floor and trashcan. and then woke up at 6am to continue vomiting into the bathtub.
so i stayed home.
the point of this being, i just spent two weeks on break. i finished most of my college applications and worked on schoolwork and hung out with my friends. for christmas i got a peacoat and TOMS and tickets to see Neil Gaiman in February.
and then i hung out with the guy i'm dating. or was dating. as of this point, i don't know. we've been....tussling. he's annoyed with me for being too clingy, i suppose. (i don't actually know, thats just my deduction) and i'm annoyed with him for not communicating with me. so i don't know if that's going to last as long as i hoped it would.
and that is my life as of this moment. it is tiring already. senioritis, thank you.
i go for now.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)